When life stabs you in the back, you’ve just got a new tool to work with.

November 11, 2009 at 8:24 am (About my process, inspiration, Studio and Environment) (, , , , , , , , , , , , )

If you have a thick back, anyhow.

So I lost my ceramics job. It’s been rather depressing, especially because the studio my job was in is in the same building my personal studio shelf is in. AaaaWwKward. Anyhow, I generally like my former boss, and I would love to have the job back (an actual possibility, as I lost it due to lack of orders for the studio) I’m trying to keep down the bad feelings about how the boss handled things and treated me. Or at least out of the public eye. Still, I want to cry a little every time I go past the door. Its going to be a while before I can (sanely) talk to my boss again. I really loved that job.

I’ve never had a job I loved before.

In the meantime I’m redirecting my angst and seasonal depression into more productive things. Like therapeutic hole poking. I’ve got a tripod that is very largely influenced by Ernst Haeckel etchings that I’m a little in love with. Different types of holes on this one, they’re bigger and less clean. Yet more clean. Hard to explain, I’ll just have to go take a picture tomorrow to show you. 🙂

I also think that the change in light bulbs is really helping me. I’m using full spectrum florescent, mostly in combo with warm florescent, but I spend time in my bedroom every night with just the full spectrum ones. I feel less inclined towards addiction and escapism (which has been my major symptoms of depression in the past, since I buried all the bad feelings in game playing and book reading. It is kinda’ OCD.) I’m still pretty sensitive emotionally, but not as out of control as I usually am at this time and the bad feelings don’t cling and seep into my pours like the usually do. Well, except for the lost job, but even that seems a bit more remote and less in my face than I expect.

I’ve also been re-familiarized myself with the best motivation for getting on the job-search ball: Looking at your bank account and credit card bills. Damn.


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